Connecting with my soul..
This past year has felt like a relentless storm, battering my life with one challenge after another. I try to view it through a more positive lens, but the truth is, it has been excruciatingly hard. Yet, amidst the chaos and heartbreak, I’ve found glimmers of resilience, strength, and unexpected gratitude.
A year ago, my world turned upside down when my daughter Malena was involved in a horrific car accident. The collision resulted in two fatalities, and though she survived, she wasn’t left unscathed. Every bone on the right side of her face was fractured, requiring a complete nasal reconstruction surgery and a lengthy recovery period. Malena faced not only physical pain but also the heavy burden of PTSD and a permanent impact on her eyesight. Watching her endure such trauma was heart-wrenching, but it also highlighted her incredible strength and our unwavering support for each other.
Not long after Malena’s accident, my family was dealt another blow. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, setting us on a grueling path of chemotherapy, biopsies, and constant trips to her doctors and surgeons, all an hour away from home. The endless medical appointments, coupled with witnessing her pain and suffering, were almost unbearable. However, through this ordeal, we grew closer than ever. It became painfully clear how much I still needed my mother and how much she needed my support. This realization forged a bond that nothing could break, reinforcing the depths of our shared resilience.
As if these challenges weren’t enough, my father, battling severe alcoholism, suffered a tragic fall that resulted in two brain bleeds and permanent brain damage. Every day I carry the image of him laying on the ground alone all night. The aftermath was devastating—he couldn’t walk, struggled to understand us, and relied on a feeding tube for months. Having a “normal” dad one day, and a dad riddled with dementia 24 hrs later, was hard to grasp. He was placed in a nursing home in order to have care 24/7. The days leading up to his passing from aspiration pneumonia were a blur of sorrow and helplessness. I spent three days by his side, holding his hand and cherishing our final moments together. His death on May 6th left me in a state of emotional limbo, caught between happiness and sadness, positivity and negativity. It was a profound reminder of the fragility of life and the importance of treasuring every moment with our loved ones.
Adding to the turmoil, my business has been facing financial struggles. Sometimes the stress is unbearable, and I tend to “eat my feelings”. Thats definitely taken a toll on my body because yesterday I was diagnosed with diabetes and hyperkalemia. The weight of these health issues feels like the final straw in an already overwhelming year. Despite these setbacks, I am determined to find a way forward. I recognize that all these trials, as painful as they are, carry lessons and gifts. They have taught me about the strength I never knew I had, the importance of self-care, and the value of unwavering support from those around me.
Looking ahead, I am filled with a mix of nervousness and hope. I yearn to use the coming year to heal, to flourish, and to transform the pain into growth. This year from hell has tested me in unimaginable ways, but it has also revealed the depths of my resilience and the enduring power of gratitude. I am grateful for the lessons learned and the love that has sustained me. As I step into the future, I do so with a heart full of hope and a spirit ready to embrace the light, no matter how faint it may seem.